buywithme: (Shocked)
[personal profile] buywithme
Comrades, Consumers!

Frustrated by your workload as a warden? Annoyed by your inmates stubborn refusal to accept and embrace your moral directives? Sick of the ports, floods, and death tolling? Comrades, do not be disheartened! For Wardens in your position there are a wealth of options all available for a very reasonable price!

[He spreads his hands wide open, and gives one of those totally fake dazzling smiles that he's so good at.]

Our first, and most popular package deal is most appropriate for those of you still driven by the self interest of acquiring the promised reward of the Admiral! It comes with easy application, can be suited to even the most hectic of lifestyles, and many wardens have already adopted it into their program of inmate rehabilitation! It's simple:

Continue to act as though you're better than we are, while you simply stop caring! Stop responding! Ignore every problem as someone else's problem. Fellow warden having a breakdown? Ignore them! Inmate who you're not assigned to asks for help? Ignore them! Violent inmate publicly declares his intent to attack someone while roaming the halls looking for that person?

Ignore them all!

All this package costs is the well being and trust of the inmate population, and the mutual respect and consideration for each other that you're supposed to be teaching us, and Comrades, frankly I'm doing you a favor by taking those obstacles to a happier, calmer life off your hands!

But that's not all, for those of you so diametrically opposed to a life of responsibility that even this deal doesn't sound sufficient, The Factory does of course have an alternative! The price for this is slightly steeper, as it will impact upon your overall net earnings from your time on the Barge, but Brothers, Sisters, when it gets to the point where inmates are protecting each other and looking out for the wellfare of wardens not because they are reformed, but because you are not doing your jobs? Well, it's not as if you're likely to earn that deal on your own anyway! So we at the Factory would like to present an ongoing open offer to all wardens, application effective immediately:

[And the grin just drops away entirely, you get that CREEPY, COLD, DEAD EYED STARE HE USED TO TURN ON SAM WHEN HE WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE]

Leave.

Date: 2010-10-08 02:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
No, I have not seen any of your efforts, Comrade. If you have the satisfaction of knowing that I am wrong then I applaud you. If the descriptions here do not apply to you? Then feel free to ignore it.

However, the wardens on this ship outnumber the inmates, there have been no violent attacks recently, and yet we still receive no evidence that any of you even notice when people are in danger? You will be met with passive aggressive displays applied to you all.

Date: 2010-10-08 02:04 am (UTC)
empirical_data: (perplexed)
From: [personal profile] empirical_data
I do not wish to argue. I am tired of sentiments of hatred and violence. Who is your warden?

Date: 2010-10-08 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
Then go. Rest. Do nothing, Comrade.

Sam Tyler. He's away right now.

Date: 2010-10-08 02:34 am (UTC)
empirical_data: (incredulous)
From: [personal profile] empirical_data
[He's ignoring that part.] Was another warden asked to assume responsibility in his absence?

Date: 2010-10-08 02:45 am (UTC)
toldastory: (dress far away)
From: [personal profile] toldastory
Data, calm down, yeah? It's alright.

Date: 2010-10-08 02:54 am (UTC)
empirical_data: (looking up)
From: [personal profile] empirical_data
Martha, I don't understand why I'm feeling so hurt by this.

[And you can tell he is, because he's using contractions.]

Date: 2010-10-08 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
No. I'm-- [little sigh] I am persistently non-violent, and Sam leaves quite frequently. Assigning me an interim warden every time he did so would be an inefficient use of resources.

Date: 2010-10-08 02:51 am (UTC)
empirical_data: (disappointed)
From: [personal profile] empirical_data
As you mentioned, there's an excess of inmates. I suppose it does not matter so long as someone capable is now monitoring.

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