Video - Filtered away from Beatty and O'Brien

[buywithme]

Comrades!

[Pause]

I mean, post-graduate Comrades... or... long term resident institutionalized Comrades, or really just anyone who thinks this makes sense to them. Do you ever feel like... I mean, did anyone else start out disliking it here and thinking that it was entirely wrong, then eventually came around to thinking that even though they weren't happy here, maybe what was happening and what the wardens were doing was something that needed to happen, and then eventually, if you started to think that it was entirely right, what was happening here, did thinking that you were doing the right thing by being here make you begin to like it?

[That probably didn't make sense, did it? Let's try again.]

I mean, what I meant to say was that... [Fffff, let's try for some context on why he's worrying here:]

Back home in the Factory I didn't really have friends. Or books, or alcohol, or hobbies, or free will. And I didn't technically get paid for my work, and everything I did was evil, but I was happy and I felt fulfilled because I believed that what I was doing was right. So, I guess what I'm saying, Comrades, is that it has come to my attention that I have a tendency to look for validation through my work and that I'm afraid I might have accidentally slipped into being blindly subservient to the Admiral because that is exactly the kind of thing that I could imagine myself doing.

I mean, it could be that I actually like it here and that I really do think that being a warden is a good thing, I'm not sure how you're supposed to tell the difference in these circumstances, Comrades.

[Private to O'Brien]

Comrade, did you know you can put alcohol in coffee?

Comments

private

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Comrade. (You don't have to call me that, almost no one else does, it's just what we did where I'm from.)

And, that-- that's it, Comrade! I know that there were all of these things wrong with what I was doing in the Factory, but O'Brien is always talking about how we're just doing different versions of the same things here, and how what we do to our inmates is the same as what we did to the people back home, only we use different methods, and sometimes I think he's right about it and I'm just doing the same thing I was doing before, only... now I'm doing it with the Admiral's approval.

Re: private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

...Jane's said similar to me. That she can see me acting like a Prefect and it's awful, and I shouldn't...

The worst thing is when I can see other wardens acting like Prefects and I wonder if I've just conned myself into believing this might be good again. If I might all of a sudden discover the truth, and be just as horrified.

I don't think it is. But it's a constant worry.

private

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Yes! What if it's just a trick, and this is just another kind of Factory, and we're just controlling a different group of workers? I don't know, Comrade, I used to think that because the wardens all seem to mean well, that they were essential trying to do good, but how would they ever be any more certain than I am?

...I'm glad I'm not the only warden who's afraid of these things.

[Paaaaauuuuuse]

Comrade, can I ask you... what's it like where you're from?

Re: private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

And just because something says it's for doing good doesn't mean it is. It doesn't mean you can't get caught up in it and believe it, even when it might not be true.

You can. I... I don't know where to start in explaining it, though.

[paaaaaaaaaaause]

We can't see colour like the Previous. Our social status is defined by which colour we see and how much. The Greys are treated like... they're made to work three shifts a day, and forced to live in the Grey zone, and everyone looks down on them. Like they're inferior. There's Rules. A long, long book of Rules. They're infallible and unbreakable. The Rules are the Rules, even if they're ridiculous.

[and there's more he's not telling you yet.]

Re: private

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Yes! I always thought I was doing the right thing! I was always certain of it, Comrade, until I came here.

...Our status was determined when we were children. I don't know what the allocation process even was, there was room for advancement for some people, but not for others. For us, Delta's would have been like the Greys. They were constrained to being part of a manual labor workforce.

Re: private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

Mm.

At least you had room for advancement, I suppose. We... well, until you're twenty, you have your parents' colour. Then you take the Ishihara, and are assigned whatever colour you get. For life. They're... unchangeable. I'm a Red forever. If I get married to someone of higher status, I take their colour in name, but I'm still a red really.

And Greys were exactly like that.

Re: private

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

What's an Ishihara?

[Pause.]

And Comrade, I happen to think that Red is a very good colour to be able to see. If I had to choose a colour, I think I would choose to be a Red.

Or possibly a green. I like green.

Could Greys marry up?

Re: private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

It's a test which determines what colour you can see and how much.

It's one of the lower status colours - but I still get to be a Prefect as I can see 86%.

We're not supposed to talk to Greens at all. Complimentary colours and all that.

They can, but it's socially frowned upon by the Chromatics. Especially as usually Chromatic parents arrange a marriage with someone with suitable colour perception before hand.