126 - ALPHA PLUS THEORY.

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[There's a slight rustle of pages, before Prefect speaks, and the first thing he says... doesn't sound very Prefectish.]

Man lives freely only by his readiness to die, if need be, at the hands of his brother, never by killing him.

[Pause.]

I don't know how I can talk about what circumstances it might be all right to kill people under. I haven't successfully killed anyone on the Barge, but during the time that I served the Factory I initiated the paperwork for thirteen hundred and seventy two people to be discontinued.

[He's quiet for a moment, then speaks.]

To be killed. I don't know what the exact proceedure was, and at the time there wasn't any reason why I should think on it too much, but if I had, the understanding that I would have come to was that I was arranging for them to be murdered.

Maybe that's why it seems strange to hear people talking about how the atmosphere on the Barge devalues life, because for me, being here did the exact opposite. Even though, Comrades, I went through hell here. Even though I died, even though I was tortured, and even though it was ignored by the wardens who were here at the time, being here still made life seem more valuable. It put what I'd done into perspective.

I think some of the things here happen because people are desperate, and because they're scared, and because life here is hard, but I think most of the things that happen here, just happen because we're evil, and because we never cared about who we hurt.

[There's another pause, another rustle of pages, then:]

Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.

[HM.]

I found a book of quotes about not killing each other in the library.

Comments

Re: [Private]

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I won't tell him.

[Pause]

Are you sad? That you're going to have to forget everything one day.

[Then a MOMENT OF SYMPATHETIC PANIC]

Wait! Comrade, what about Narvin?

[Private]

[most_feared]

No. I already had to forget it once. They restored it when they discovered I was still useful and I was willing. I'm one of the ones that'll be in it until they're dead. [Possibly many times over.]

But it's been a choice for us. Always been a choice. All the weapons I know how to use? All the languages I know and thinks I've done? You gotta prove that you're capable of handling it. That you can consider each individual life before it's put in your protection, even if it's not the sort of person most people would expect.

Like Narvin, for one.

We make the choice between limitless knowledge and social identity- I'm Agent K, Division 6 -or a life of normalcy out in the real world, with oblivious freedom. We don't get propaganda to stay, or a feeling of love. Just... being a part of something you have to always work for, and feels bigger. I know I can't leave it. So I get why you must have had a hard time with all that other crap piled onto it.

[Private] Annnnnd after a week long tag dropping session.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[There's a pause from the other end of the line. This is a little hard for him to hear.]

Thank you, Comrade.

[Pause.]

How did you cope with coming here, Comrade? Away from your job?

[Private] I lost so many notifications it's sad.

[most_feared]

I had to go home for a little while. Other than that, I try to keep learning new things. Keep myself busy.

It's huh... Not the best structure to settle into, that's for damn sure. Gives you an oil in water feeling.