016 - Private to Harvey!

[buywithme]

Mr Dent!

You're a professional aren't you? I need someone to perform a product evaluation for me too make sure I'm functioning up to the Factory's standard.

I'd reimburse you for your time of course.

Comments

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

If by professional you mean former attorney, then yeah, I'm a professional.

What's the product you need evaluating?

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

I mean, you seem like you wouldn't be biased.

No, I mean, my product evaluation. To make sure I'm functioning right.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

Oh. I guess then I'm not that biased. I like giving things a fair chance.

You want me to evaluate you? Ah...how would I do that? I mean, everyone has different standards. Is there a checklist that you want me to look at or something?

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Yes! I have several copies of the factory standards check list and physical inspection charts to hand!

It won't take long!

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

...

Sure? I guess. I mean, I'm not doing anything else.

Where's your room?

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Level four, room five.

Thank you Comrade.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

( Log or action spam? )

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Whichever you'd prefer! Maybe spam?]

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[Spam it is then.]

[ Harvey still had no clue what it was Prefect wanted him to do. Prefect wanted him to make sure he was functioning right? Harvey knew that there were vampires here, but robots? That was just silly. Prefect couldn't be a robot. Besides, he mentioned 'physical inspection charts'...which again, sounded silly. Walking up to Prefect's room, Harvey knocked on the door. ]

Prefect? It's Harvey.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[The door opened far too quickly, with Prefect looking far too cheerful on the other side of it. He was holding a clipboard and a roll of packaging tape, and wearing nothing but boxer shorts.]

Comrade! Come in!

[Prefect stepped back into his room a few paces and thrust the clipboard into Harveys hands. The questions were from the expected to the obscure, Is the product in good physical shape? How attractive do you find the subject? How suitable is the subjects skin for beach holidays? The questions went on and on, some to be asked of Prefect, some to be decided from afar, some to be physically ascertained, covering every area from his health to his mental state, to the quality and enthusiasm of his sales pitches.]

This! This is what I need you too evaluate for me!

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He just looked confused, as Prefect handed him the clipboard. Looking from the clipboard to Prefect and back, Harvey flipped the page over. Oh. There was a back. He scanned over the questions. Does the subject have any cuts, scratches, wounds, etc.? Has the subject ever shown any suicidal tendencies? What kind of questions were these? ]

Ah...okay. I guess I could do that.

[ Leaning against the wall, Harvey read off the first question to himself. Subject's name and age. Okay, he could do that. Prefect and... ]

How old are you, by the way? The sheet asks so.

Does the subject have suicidal tendencies? OH DEAR.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect was feeling good! He liked inspections! And he liked to make a point of being as useful as he could during them.]

Twenty seven Comrade.

[He waited silently for the next question. This was a nicely hands off Evaluation so far, maybe they wouldn't need the packaging tape after all!]

We'll just skip that question...

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey scribbled down '27', then proceeded onto the next question. Height and weight. Well, he didn't have a scale and he felt kind of awkward for asking Prefect that, so he skipped that one. Blood type...frowning slightly, Harvey flipped the page over, wanting to basically skip the boring bits. He could do those later. Ah, here we go. Harv read over the question, frowning slightly. Does the subject have cold, warm or clammy hands? What? That question made no sense! ]

Here, give me your hands. I need to see if they're cold.

Prefect says BE MORE THOROUGH!

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect frowned as he saw Harvey apparently skip over a few questions, but then remembered that a good worker doesn't question the factories examinations and brightened quickly. Harvey Dent was a professional. Prefect wouldn't have to express to him how important this was.

He held out his hands immediately on request.]

Harv says that some of the questions are boooring.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey walked up to Prefect and grabbed his hands. This was weird. Insanely weird. Prefect had warm hands-at least that was better than them being sweaty. After a few seconds, Harvey quickly broke free. ]

Alright, that was weird.

[ Back to the questions. He could do a couple of these just by looking at Prefect. There weren't any cuts...his skin looked good enough for beach holidays...he was in good shape. Harvey scribbled down some answers before looking back up at Prefect. ]

Okay, I need your blood type, shirt size and shoe size.

Prefect says they're necessary!

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect smiled at Harvey hopefully as the former district attorney felt his hands. It didn't seem even remotely weird to him, in fact, touching through the medium of an Evaluation was quite acceptable too him. He withdrew his hands when Harvey was done, and waited for the next questions.]

Blood type O, shirt size fourty two, and shoe size nine!

[Prefect rattled this off without hesitation before smiling at Harvey, expression ever bright!]

And now it's time to creep Harvey out!

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey scribbled down the measurements. How did he know all these things off the top of his head? Granted, Harvey knew his blood type but his shirt size? He always forgot things like that. Then, he proceeded to the next questions. Would you consider the subject an optimist or a pessimist? Frankly, Harvey thought that it all depended on who was buying. Still, there wasn't a slot. Also, he didn't know Prefect as well as he knew other people on the boat. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out his coin. Heads optimist, tails pessimist. He flipped.

Tails. Prefect was a pessimist. Scratching in that answer, he moved on to the next question. Does the subject have a bright, clean smile? Do you find the subject physically attractive? Harvey looked confused, as he flipped through the survey again. Some of these questions were...frankly, kind of odd. ]

Ah, Prefect? I'm straight. I'm not going to find you... [he checked back at the evaluation] I'm not going to find you physically attractive or anything of the like.

Prefect says BE MORE PROFESSIONAL!

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefects eyes went pleading for a split second before he responded. He really wanted to do well in his evaluation, regardless of Harvey's sexual inclinations!]

Comrade, you just have to try and think about whether or not I would be attractive if you could be attracted to someone of my gender! For example, I'm not interested in you in the slightest, but I can recognize at least fifty percent of you, maybe a little more, as extremely attractive!

Harv is still weirded out!

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Prefect's comment took Harvey by surprise. Fifty percent of him was extremely attractive? Wow. Was he being sarcastic or serious? Instantly, Harvey thought of his face. That would explain the fifty percent. Still...Prefect didn't seem sarcastic. ]

Well...okay.

[ Looking back at the checklist, Harvey reread the questions. Prefect did have a nice smile. And...he guessed that Prefect was fairly attractive. At least, he wasn't ugly or anything of the like. He didn't have scars. Harv scribbled down his answer, then looked back at Prefect. Does the subject have any visible piercings? ]

This is a really weird evaluation.

Prefect insists he check EVERYWHERE for piercing.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect had f course been completely sincere in his evaluation of Harvey's attractiveness. He resisted the urge to peer over the sheets to see how he was doing as he fell quiet again. Instead he managed to hold still and wait for Harvey to continue. Prefect gave Harvey a mild glance at his last comment.]

It's the standard issue Factory Alpha product evaluation form.

[He didn't think it was weird.]

Harv says NO WAY, JOSE.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey shrugged at Prefect's response. He turned back to the survey, scribbling in various answers. Had he talked to Prefect before? Not really. He-oh wait. Harvey was instantly reminded of that time a while back ago, when Sam was still missing. He winced slightly. He really hadn't been that nice to Prefect, basically leaving him to Joker. ]

Hey...I'm sorry about what happened last time when we met. You know, when Sam was gone and Joker and I barged in your room and...yeah.

[ Prefect was actually alright. He was slightly weird, but alright. Harv felt a bit of regret. ]

PREFECT SAYS HE'S BEING UN-THOROUGH D:

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect nodded sagely as he recalled the event]

You hit me over the head with a screw driver. Don't worry about it Comrade.

[Prefect smiled brightly. He wasn't particularly dedicated to holding his grudges, worse people had done worse things to him, and now Harvey was helping him with his Evaluation, and that was a good thing! Yes, Prefect quite liked Harvey. A thought occurred to him at that moment,]

By the way, what would you like in exchange for doing this for me?

Harv wants to know if you want Joker to do the evaluation instead.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Oh yeah...he still had that screw driver. It was hidden under his bed somewhere. He lightly bit his lip, looking over the evaluation again. Are the subject's sales proposals enticing and occering at regular intervals? Yes. Does the subject have what others want? Well, there were times when Prefect had to ask around, right? Still, he always had things. Yes. Does the product let personal feelings interfere with business? Obviously no, as they were still talking right now. ]

I have no idea. I don't think I really need anything at the moment. [A pause.] What do you have?

Prefect says no sir D:

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect smiled again, he had PLENTY OF STOCK If Harvey didn't have anything specific in mind! He mentally calculated the first three boxes.]

Well, I have Aerobics cd's, Anglican bibles, Aviator goggles, Afro combs, astronomy text books, automated vegetable peelers, Bulbs for assorted flowers and vegetables, bulbs for lights...

[That reminded him of something else he had]

Three heat lamps which I no longer need....

[He could go on and on. and he would If Harvey was prepared to keep listening.]

Yeah, that's what Harv thought.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Frowning slightly, Harv stopped evaluating. Prefect could go on forever if he so choose. Harv personally didn't want to spend the rest of the evening with Prefect rattling off everything under the sun and him just nodding and taking measurements. ]

How about a suit? Do you have anything remotely in my size?

[ He wanted some new clothes. Ever since he got on the boat, he had been wearing the same clothes in his closet over and over again. They were getting a little threadbare, especially his favorite suit. ]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect paused. Contemplating.]

I don't have a full suit. I have shirts, ties and underwear, but I don't have a full suit.

[There's a beat, and he smiles suddenly.]

I could make one for you if you got me the fabric though.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey brightened up a bit, smiling at Prefect. Get some fabric for the suit? He could do that. There would have to be some fabric on this boat. Though, it was a bit odd to him that Prefect wouldn't have a full suit. ]

Fabric should be easy. I'll get some.

[ He scribbled down a few more answers on the evaluation. He was almost done. Just a few more questions... ]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect offered Harvey a broad smile as they continued the Evaluation]

I'll take your measurements once we're done here Comrade. Is there a particular style you'd like it in?

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey shrugged. ]

Whatever you can do best and do most comfortably.

[ He turned back to the questionnaire, reading over the questions. Does the subject have suicidal tendencies...he honestly didn't know. Prefect hadn't seemed like he wanted to kill himself. He looked Prefect over, trying to come up with an answer.

...god, that chest was distracting him. Harvey quickly checked in 'no', then looked back at the examination. A few more checks...some thinking...a few more checks... ]

Done. [Harvey handed the survey to Prefect.] There we go, here's your examination.

Prefects chest = MOAST DISTRACTING CHEST ON THE BARGE, Y/Y?

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect grabs the survey excitedly and looks over the pages with an expression which approaches anxiety, he flicks over the pages, clearly taking in all his perceived flaws. His brow furrows as he goes down the list,]

I'm a pessimist... I'll have to work on that...

[After a minute he looks up again, and gives Harvey a look of pure happiness, he obviously passed inspection!]

Thank you so much Comrade! I'll get the measuring tape now!

[Tossing the survey cheerilly onto his desk, Prefect makes a bee line for one of the boxes, still in nothing but his underwear.]

Y. TOTAL Y.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey managed a faint smile at Prefect. He was so happy. Obviously this inspection meant a lot to him. Harvey could only hope that he did his best-Prefect was okay. He didn't want to screw the man over or anything like that. ]

No problem.

[ And there was Prefect, making a practically naked beeline for the nearest box. Harv closed his eyes, trying to repress the faint urges of a blush. This had just gotten insanely more awkward than before. ]

Just, put some clothes on first. Alright?

Gaze upon its wonders! AND LET ME KEEP USING MY SHIRTLESS ICONS!

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect completely misses Harvey's awkwardness, and cheerily retrieves the measuring tape before coming back quickly, stopping directly before the horribly burned man.]

That's all right Comrade, I'm not cold!

[Prefect smiles and un-spools the tape, drawing it out in front of Harvey suddenly, measuring the distance between his shoulders. It's kind of a strange way of doing it, one which avoids any and all physical contact.]

xD Okay, you can keep using the shirtless icons.

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey resisted the urge to ask just how Prefect couldn't be cold. He was just wearing underwear. He had to be cold. Instead, he watched as Prefect brought the tape measurer a few inches from his shoulders. No physical contact. After getting his shoulders measured, Harvey stuck his arms out. Prefect needed to measure his arm length, right? ]

It's like a reward for us both!

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Prefect needed to measure a lot of things! Arm length was another good one. Again, this involved Prefect getting the tape at a slightly awkward angle, and pulling it out to the tip of Harvey's wrist, without making physical contact. Then moving to quickly whip it round Harveys back and watching the other end to measure the other inmates bust. This had to involve some touching, but he kept it to a minimum, not wanting to encourage that sort of thing.]

Yes!

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ As Prefect measured his body, Harvey just stood perfectly still, letting the man measure everything he needed to. Prefect would tell him when this was over. What he could do right now was just stand still and let the man get and record his measurements. ]

:D

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Almost done! Prefect knelt down and moved to measure up the outside of Harvey's leg, then the inside, then he straightened up and offered another grin.]

Right, I'll need three meters of suit fabric to make it, and if you can find it, three meters of lining material for the inside, then I can have it to you in a week!

[unbiasedchance.livejournal.com]

[ Harvey made a mental note. Three meters of suit fabric and three meters of lining. Alright. He could find that. He had no clue how the hell he could find it, but this was the barge. If Prefect could find head lamps he sure as hell could find six meters of fabric. ]

Understood.

[ Harvey nodded at Prefect, then turned towards the door. He stopped, hand on the doorknob, just before he was about to go out. He turned to Prefect, nodding slightly. ]

See you around.

[ With that, Harvey opened the door and left Prefect's room. ]