168 - Prefect cares more about his job than he does about his pulse

[buywithme]

What would you do if your inmate vanished tomorrow?

[This comes pretty much out of the blue, after a LONG PERIOD OF RADIO SILENCE from Prefect. Yep, truth flood forced him out.]

Last time Barron was in a coma, I just... I thought if I behaved as if he was definitely going to wake up then he definitely would. This time-- It's been months, and I don't know why I'm even here if I can't help him. If I can't help him, if after everything we've done, he just vanishes now, then every second I've spent here has been worthless. Because really, one person turning from bad to good at the end of their life doesn't actually bring any objective improvement to the universe. I'm already dead. I've already done my damage.

If I don't help someone to graduate, then I don't earn my deal with the Admiral, and I can't change anything. [There's a long intake of breath, then he lets it out.] But if he disappears-- Comrades, I can't even imagine being able to care this much about anyone else again. I'm a graduate, so I have the choice to ask the Admiral to send me anywhere in the universe to start over. Right now... I'm afraid that Barron is going to disappear, and all I can think to do when he's gone is ask the Admiral to send me after him. Wherever that takes me.

Comments

[most_feared]

[Wow, Prefect.... Wow.]

He uh...

He's still here, and people come back. Even after bein' gone a while. I think you'll be alright. Until then, even watchin' over someone you're worried about can be tough.

[He's trying to give support, anyway.]

[buywithme]

[overinvestment, thy name is Prefect.]

He's been unconscious for more than a month. Why would this happen to him if he was supposed to be here?

[most_feared]

I know this might sound awful, but I don't think things always happen for a reason. There's just what you can make it mean.

There's been a few killings. He's not been caught in any of those while he's out. He's not hungry, he's not hurtin', he's not ashamed or embarrassed. He's just restin' and you're right there waiting.

[canfindrope]

I'd be glad if mine went. I don't think it's the same, though.

I'm sorry.

[buywithme]

Why don't you like yours?

[canfindrope]

[She seems surprised by the question.]

Because she's horrible. She abuses everyone.

[darknessb4me]

It's a ridiculous premise for an afterlife. There's no point in giving inmates second chances. You get it wrong the first time, you die.

[buywithme]

Well, we all died anyway. Still, whether it's right or wrong, I really want his life to be better.

Do you really not feel like that for anyone here?

[darknessb4me]

Of course I feel like that for some people, but I'm angry and bitter. I don't think any of the wardens here understand why a person becomes a villain. Disregarding the moral habits I was taught was the most freeing thing I've ever done. Regardless of my purpose, even if my intent is good, I have so many more choices of how to approach it. Giving someone liberty means letting them do things you don't like to see done, and then letting them accept the consequences.

When I care about someone's wellbeing, I prize their freedom above their potential for destruction.

[buywithme]

There's something we have in common, Comrade. Disregarding the moral habits that I was taught was the most freeing thing I've ever done either. Only the habits that I was taught were the ones that made me kill over a thousand people.

Barron was raised knowing that he would be a criminal, he spent his entire life having his emotions controlled and being taught how to abuse his powers. Not to value his memories. Those are the moral habits that he was taught, Comrade. If he ever gets to the point where he can look at his life, and honestly face what his family did to him, and what his country and his culture did to him, if he gets to that point and still believes that what he chose to do with his life was still right, then Comrade I'll accept that he makes that decision freely. Until then, for people like me and him? Rehabilitation is the struggle to become free.

[darknessb4me]

Then I'll help you if I can.

[buywithme]

I wish that I could help you.

[darknessb4me]

I don't want help, it hurts my pride.

[buywithme]

I like you a lot, but you're ridiculous sometimes, Comrade.

[darknessb4me]

No I'm not.

[buywithme]

You are a little. You say all of these things about how you've broken from your moral habits, and that makes you free, but you don't want help because it'd make you feel bad about yourself.

[darknessb4me]

I don't want help because none of you are good enough to help me. It has nothing to do with how I feel about myself.

[buywithme]

Not wanting to accept help from people because you see them as being beneath you, even when you seem like a lot of the time you aren't doing particularly great?

I think that is quite a bit to do with how accepting help would make you feel about yourself.

[darknessb4me]

I don't think people are even capable of helping me. Unless Fordring lets me die, that would be helpful. But Fordring and I are equals.

[text // unaffected rinzler is so puzzled]

[ifightfor]

Then go with him.