buywithme: (un-fake smile)
[personal profile] buywithme
[Video clicks on, annnnd yes, Prefect is still sitting at Barron's bedside in the infirmary. There's a small pile of Prefect-y posessions now flanking the bed, and an additional blanket folded over the end of Barron's bed. Because apparently he's just living here now.

There is a string of little hearts which have been cut out from some pink paper and which are now dangling across the top of Barron's bedboard, at least two blatantly home made valentines day cards sitting on his bedside table, and a very small, potted rosebush next to these. Prefect is staring at the Camera with an attentiveness which is clearly seasonal.]


Comrades! Con-- ah, Brothers and Sisters! I'm sure that you are all aware that it is again the time of year in which it is seasonally appropriate to shower one another with expressions of affection across all degrees of sincerity an insincerity! To reach out, and shamelessly distribute tokens representative of a degree of emotional fealty which it is impossible for you to guarantee will actually last, and to do so without hesitation! To linger not upon the possibility of outgrowing one another or making yourself look unsophisticated, but rather to charge forward blindly into overblown expressions of affection!

[He punches the air as he finishes this short tirade, and his eyes shine with a cheerful sincerity. IDK if you know this, but Prefect fucking loves Valentines day, guys.]

Now normally, Comrades, I would try and encourage you to purchase items either from me or from one another, to express the depths of your emotions towards your beloved, however: [He lifts his hands, because this is serious business and this year he will not try to sell you things!] I am a warden now, and It is my responsibility to attempt to not be evil, and control my consumerist instincts, so instead, I am going to suggest and demonstrate a number of things which you can do to express the depths of your love, which will cost you nothing but time and effort and resources.




[He clears his throat slightly, and leans down, fiddling with something off camera...]

All right, Comrades, idea number one...

[...Annnnnnd Prefect rears back up again, holding a tray, which appears to be laden with a beautiful home cooked meal. There's linguine pasta in a white sauce, what appears to be some garlic bread, and a small glass of what is either white wine, or gin which has been poured into a wine glass, balanced precariously next to a dainty vase containing a plastic rose. WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT, PREFECT?]

...Prepare a delicious and romantic meal for your Valentine! If you aren't very imaginative, then just remember that all especially romantic foods come from Paris and Italy, however, you should not attempt to give anyone pizza on Valentines day. No matter how Italian it may be, it is not romantic, Comrades. Remember that.

[Headshake. He carefully leans across, and balances the delicious meal on Barron's lap. Barron, still being in a coma, does not respond to this delicious and loving gesture.]

A second idea which you might like to try, is making a gift for the object of your affections! Whether it be a simple card... [He grabs one of the cards he has made for Barron, and holds it forward to the Camera, so you can see that written on it, in glitter, are the words: Wake up! Sleeping Barron!. He flips it open, and the inside reads: Even though you are in a coma, I will still be your platonic Valentine!] ...to a more complicated gift, such as some home made chocolates... [He reaches off camera, and produces a tiny box of chocolates which are so beautiful that it seems almost impossible that he could actually have made them himself. These are perched carefully beside the glass of wine. Barron remains ungratefully comatose.] ...Or if you're feeling particularly ambitious, why not make your Valentine, an adorable cuddly toy cat? [Which, of course, is the next thing he produces. His massive, rictus-smile is beginning to look a tiny bit forced at this point, but never the less, the 'cat' is tucked into bed beside Barron.]

Admittedly, Comrades, if you have never made an adorable cuddly toy cat before, then you may wish to find a pattern for one, or maybe try starting out with something easier. Like, maybe a romantic, adorable cuddly toy tube, or something? The possibilities are literally endless!

[MOVING SWIFTLY ON. Prefect clears his throat again, and the smile is restored to it's former glory.]

If you are an inmate, then there are all sorts of kind gestures which you can make for someone, without having to rely on the resources of a warden! You could cultivate some flowers for them in the greenhouse or Garden! For example, I have been growing this rose bush for weeks, specifically to give a Valentines Day demonstration with!

[Pause, as he grabs the potted rose bush, and adds it to the pile of things which has begun to form on Barron's unconscious body. It's a little awkward, and the wine begins to spill, but Prefect catches it in time, and eventually the ongoing balancing game is a success. Then, back to the Camera:]

You could also do something to help them to relax, such as offering them a back rub or massage! If your Valentine happens to be in a coma, and unable to consent to a massage, then you should not do this to them. Instead, you should settle for an affectionate pat on the head, and hope that they are able to absorb that you are thinking of them. [Somewhat predictably, he proceeds to demonstrate this gesture of Valentines day cheer on Barron.]

If you are a warden, however, I'm afraid these small gestures of affection simply will not cut it, Comrades, and if you happen to be being courted by a warden? Then you should settle for absolutely nothing less than them to exploit their additional privileges in the name of romance!

At the very, very least, Comrades, you should be going through the pub to find some kind of romantic bottle of alcohol, like so: [He lifts up a bottle of pink champagne. Because yeah, he planned in advance and got this from the pub weeks ago. After displaying it to the camera for a moment, he moves to prop it up against the 'cat' which has slid down to nestle in Barron's arm pit.]

But really, Comrades, unless your inmate partner has done something exceptionally evil within the last few days, you should be taking them on a date of some kind into the areas which they can't normally access. Whether it's a trip to the pool for some healthy submarine affection, a private evening in the warden conference room, or a romantic evening being pampered by Drake in the spa, failing to utilize these areas on Valentines day is negligent and unromantic.

[He raises one hand again, there is an addendum to be made:] But, Comrades, what if your Valentine is in a coma, and therefore unable to go to any of these locations? Well, then your duty is clear. You must go to one of these places, and bring the experience of that date, back to them. Observe: [He reaches off screen for a moment, and returns with... an arm full of smooth, round rocks.] These, Comrades, are massage stones, which I appropriated from the spa last night. [And he is just gonna start piling those bitches right on Barron's chest, along with everything else. Barron doesn't seem to particularly care.] And, as you can see... they bring all the romance and relaxation of the Spa here to the infirmary! [Stones placed, he turns back to the camera.]

There are countless inexpensive ways to wow the object of your affections on this, most significant and soulful of days, and the more extravagant and creative your show of affection is? The more likely they are to remember it for days, and even years to come! So go forth! Comrades, Consumers, Brothers and Sisters, and celebrate in the boundless zealotry of L'Amour!

[And with a final, frantic grin, the video feed ends.]


[Private to Nathan Petrelli]

Do you like valenti--

Has anyone brought you a rosebu--

I made you a ca--

Do you like pink champa--


...

By the way, Comrade, has anyone shown you around the warden areas yet?

Date: 2012-02-14 02:46 am (UTC)
gotgreenmagic: (what.)
From: [personal profile] gotgreenmagic
That's a squid, Comrade.

Date: 2012-02-14 02:51 am (UTC)
gotgreenmagic: (you.  what.  really?)
From: [personal profile] gotgreenmagic
Have you ever seen a cat, Prefect?

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Video

Date: 2012-02-14 02:57 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: A gauntfaced man looks sharply to the right of camera. (Derpface)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
[Just a video of bemused, amused, bewildered face.]

Video

Date: 2012-02-14 03:03 am (UTC)
umgekehrt: (Default)
From: [personal profile] umgekehrt
I'd-- well, that's no matter.

[He's been combing books of poetry looking for something tender for the objects of his affection.

Oh he's going to regret this in a while.]

I just hadn't realized you people's rituals ran that deep.

Video

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Date: 2012-02-14 02:59 am (UTC)
inhistorybooks: (Smirk.)
From: [personal profile] inhistorybooks
That is the cutest cat I've ever seen. [Prefect you're so dreamy. c:]

Date: 2012-02-14 03:22 am (UTC)
inhistorybooks: (Sweet.)
From: [personal profile] inhistorybooks
Naw, it's cute! When did you make it?

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Date: 2012-02-14 10:13 am (UTC)
itstopped: (dubious: blur)
From: [personal profile] itstopped
Do you... like that sort of thing, Comman-- Trip? [He may still be having trouble with the 'rank and title' thing.]

Date: 2012-02-14 07:34 pm (UTC)
inhistorybooks: (Engineering is mah home.)
From: [personal profile] inhistorybooks
Yeah, it's cute. Thoughtful, you know?

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Useless comment

Date: 2012-02-14 03:02 am (UTC)
timesbureaucrat: (rly?)
From: [personal profile] timesbureaucrat
[Narvin is actually paying close attention to Prefect's advice, god help him. Because romance doesn't come naturally to him at all and he'd like a few hints. But the only thing on Prefect's list that doesn't make him sneer in disdain is the romantic getaway to the...warden conference room.

On second thought, maybe he'll try to come up with something on his own.]


Date: 2012-02-14 03:24 am (UTC)
creatingalegacy: Amanda, looking worried as John speaks to Lynn. (worried)
From: [personal profile] creatingalegacy
...I can't believe I'm even asking you this.

[SO CONFUSED AND ASHAMED.]

I don't...know how to express. This. This kind of thing. Fuck.

[Everything is coming out incredibly stilted. What are these feeeeeelings D:]

I need to impress someone. I can't design, build and stick a criminal in an elaborate trap and make them play for their own survival anymore, and present my target with a video recording of the game. What else could I possibly do to show how much I care for them?
Edited Date: 2012-02-14 03:25 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-02-14 03:58 am (UTC)
creatingalegacy: (hesitant)
From: [personal profile] creatingalegacy
[She frowns a little.]

I'm not going to adulterate the purpose of the traps, Prefect. Just because I don't make or approve of them anymore doesn't mean I'm gonna fuck with the history.

I mean, any more than I already did by rigging them to outright kill.

What if I show him that he's gotten my attention? Maybe I could take secret photos and print some out to show him.

[She thinks this is a GREAT idea.]

Date: 2012-02-14 04:07 am (UTC)
creatingalegacy: (meh)
From: [personal profile] creatingalegacy
That would take too long! I can draw, but I don't know how to paint...

[She sounds dejected.]

I could definitely pick his lock to leave things in his room, but paintings wouldn't work.

Date: 2012-02-14 04:13 am (UTC)
creatingalegacy: (pushing the wheelchair)
From: [personal profile] creatingalegacy
Once you get that stuff on you, it doesn't come off.

[The thought of walking around covered with glitter makes her skin crawl.]

I think I'm gonna do the photos, Prefect. If that doesn't work, I'll hit you up again.

Date: 2012-02-14 04:41 am (UTC)
truth_is_cold: (rhade - eyebrow)
From: [personal profile] truth_is_cold
[You're his favorite capitalistic collectivist, Prefect.]

...Is that gin or vodka in that wine glass?

Date: 2012-02-14 04:47 am (UTC)
truth_is_cold: (rhade - smirky)
From: [personal profile] truth_is_cold
I will confirm to your purchasers that consumption of the beverage in that meal will make the other party significantly more attractive.

[He sees that you have been informed the kitty is not a kitty. He will not elaborate on this point.]

Date: 2012-02-14 09:39 pm (UTC)
strangehistorian: (the clever)
From: [personal profile] strangehistorian
How do you make those chocolates? Humans are very fond of sugar!

[she's so proud for remembering this.]

(no subject)

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