123 - Video ~SPECIALEST DAY OF THE YEAR~

[buywithme]

[Click, and hey! It’s some video footage! Prefect is sitting in front of the camera, looking almost dementedly gleeful, and... what’s that piled high around him? But the cheap, tacky, Factory branded trappings of valentines day. Or at least, some of it is, some of it, on the other hand, is just stuff that Prefect has painted pink and is apparently hoping will blend in.

Pink hammer, pink ladle, pink ball, pink empty gin bottle, whatever, it’s all the colour of love.]

Comrades! Consumers!

Do not be disheartened by news of your recent demise and arrival upon an interdenominational prison ship which will strip away any semblance of your personality and confidence in the name of moral rehabilitation! And do not be curtailed from your pursuit of happiness by the recent murders, suicides and death threats being issued by your fellow inmates and/or wardens! Most importantly, do not be dismayed or distressed by those amongst you who would claim that Valentines day is a meaningless slew of commercial consumerist trash, because Comrades! [His face falls, suddenly completely deadpan and serious] That is the best thing about it.

[THEN SUDDENLY THE MANIC, RICTUS, FACTORY STYLE GRIN IS BACK]

Comrades, this Valentines day don’t sulk about your lack of popularity or mental and physical wellbeing! Don’t celebrate with a cynical lack of gift and card delivery, leaving those you admire with no physical token in recognician of their fantastic beauty! Don’t bemoan the commercialism of it all when you’re living in a society reduced to the crudest of bartering! But stand tall with me, in the glorious pink light of this most sacred of holidays, and buy with me!

Comrades, in this remarkable, one day only sale, I am offering a selection of immaculately produced, Factory standard greeting cards and romantic items, for the low low price of... [PAUSE. Apparently he hadn’t thought this far ahead in his sales pitch. Eventually, he raises his eyebrows and grins a little wider] ...almost anything! What’s that? You don’t think your significant other would appreciate any of these remarkable gifts? Well, don’t underestimate the versatility of our stores! The Facto-- Uh, the former Factory outlet point insists on the highest possible standards of service! Make our Valentines Day a happy one, by making your Valentines Day a happy one.

[And with that, he picks up the bright pink hammer, and turns it, so that the camera gets a nice clear shot of the nicely calligraphed “I Love You”, which Prefect has clearly written along the side of it. There is a long, long, pause. Then he realizes that maybe he shouldn’t be giving hammers to inmates, and quickly adds:]

Some items may be subject to restricted sales, no income from sales will actually go to the Factory, and no item or items actually guarantee a happy valentines day or positive reception from the recipient and a negative reception will not be accepted as grounds for a refund.

Comments

[vinkus-witch.livejournal.com]

That...is a lot of pink. Glinda would love it.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

It's Valentines Day, sister. Pink is appropriate.

[vinkus-witch.livejournal.com]

Never heard of it.

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

The sad thing is that I've actually missed your insane salesman spiel.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Sister. I think I've missed it too.

[Pause]

Would you like to buy a nice, romantic hammer for your friend?

[equalsfive.livejournal.com]

I really hate it, comrade, when your consumerism is showing.

[wow. he's not bashing his head against a desk. He must have woken up.]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Comrade, it's Valentines Day.

[How could he possibly be expected not to fly into a consummerist party? Prefect reaches underneath his desk, and retrieves a bowl. There is a nice, pink heart painted on it.]

I got this for you.

[AKA: I FOUND THIS IN A BOX AND PAINTED A HEART ON IT, JUST LIKE I DID TO ALL THIS OTHER JUNK.]

[voice]

[terminates.livejournal.com]

[ He watches this post for a long, long time. Finally, he just chuckles. ]

[voice]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[While he's watching, Prefect staaaaaaares at him. Then when Slade chuckles? He breaks into a WIDE, HAPPY SMILE. Because if you're happy? He's happy!]

ILU PREFECT

[darknessb4me]

If you really loved me, you'd buy something :c

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[captain-jtkirk.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentine's day, Prefect.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Comrade! I don't understand what people find so hard about getting into the spirit of this holiday.

Happy Valentines Day to you too, Captain Kirk.

[championoftime]

At the very least, even if you're unable to acquire suitable sales, rest-assured the colour pink brings out a glow in your skin tone. [He is extremely amused.]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Is that a good thing or a bad thing? You suggested he wasn't going to sell much, but on the other hand, you said nice things about his complexion, so after a long pause, Prefect brings a hand up to scratch the back of his neck, a little shyly.]

Ah, thank you, Comrade. [And his expression turns earnest again] Would you like a Valentines Day card?

[bybloodandhonor.livejournal.com]

... This factory wouldn't happen to be part or allied with the Trade Princes or the Steamweedle Cartel? Venture Co. perhaps?

[Prefect, you remind him of some of the goblins he had contracts with.]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Uh, No, Comrade. We weren't really allied with anyone. Until I died and came here I didn't believe that anything existed outside of it.

[Goblins are cool right? They're good dudes?]

Pointless comment is pointless

[una_persson]

[And this is why Una quietly, secretly ships those two.]

It had a romantic valentines day point :<

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[What? That's a normal thing that friends do for each other, isnt it?]

[Video]

[slayage]

[Amused Buffy is highly amused.]

Quite a sales pitch. You have any more pink heart-patterned weapons?

[Video]

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

I'm... not entirely sure, Sister.

[HMM. Prefect isn't really that well stocked in weapons. He wanders off to go rummaging through the MOUNTAINOUS PILES OF CARDBOARD BOXES Behind him. Eventually he returns, carrying a shovel.]

I could paint a heart on this, if you wanted?

So very [PRIVATE] to spare his shame at being interested in an alien holiday.

[timesbureaucrat]

So purchasing and giving of gifts is a traditional part of this human holiday? It's...expected?

[PRIVATE] PREFECT KNOWS. AND PREFECT JUDGES.

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

Yes, Comrade. Significant others have been known to be extremely hurt when it is not observed.

Private

[creatingalegacy]

Let me guess: there's no way I'm getting one of those hammers.

[WHY YES, she DOES want to beat someone's head in!]

Private

[buywithme.livejournal.com]

[Pause]

No, Sister. No hammer for you.

[asdfgjlasd... How does he go about admitting that he's a little worried about her?]

Besides, Sister, wouldn't you... you'd want to make a machine? Using a hammer wouldn't be like you.