Private to Sylar

[buywithme]

I was thinking about

Comrade, I wanted too tal

[Brief pause]

I wanted to say something to you, before I left, Comrade. I'm not sure how to phrase it, this is a situation which I never prepared myself for, so if my meaning... if I can't find the right words... just know that it's not deliberate.

I don't fully understand everything that has happened between us. There's things about your motives, or what you were thinking for a lot of it that I can not understand. It isn't that I haven't tried. I do understand other parts of it though. I understand that If you'd had the same interactions with someone who... who wasn't me, with someone who maybe could have taken everything a little less at face value, or someone who was able to give you whatever emotional intimacy you wanted from the start? Then things would have gone differently between us. It would have saved you as much unhappiness as it would have saved me.

I don't know if I can apologise for that though. At the time, what you were asking me for was something that I couldn't even comprehend. There isn't any way that It could have gone differently.

What I am sorry for is celebrating your death. I'm sorry for every time I twisted the knife. Even if I hated you, and even if... even if I haven't quite stopped hating you yet, and even if I thought that you deserved it? I'm sorry. You didn't.

If you believe that it's wrong to hurt somebody else, then you can't qualify that with 'except the people who hurt me first'.

So for what it's worth, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I really hope this place gives you what it is you're looking for.

[Pause, then, almost as an afterthought.]

I... I actually told myself that I'd... try to do this when you graduated. I didn't think that...

[Another awkward pause.]

Sorry, Comrade. That's all. I'm going now.



[And after this is posted, Prefect has officially left the Barge! I may forward or backdate it around going to the pub, if we do that. ANYWAY, he'll be back in a few days, after the flood!]