buywithme: (Puppy dog eyes)
[Video clicks on, and Prefect looks BAFFLED! LIKE A SAD, CONFUSED ALPHA PLUS.]

Where am I Comrades? How did I get here? I was supposed to be in 1973! Is this all in my head?

[AMAZING SAM TYLER IMPRESSION. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU WARDEN.]
buywithme: (Shocked)
Comrades, Consumers!

Frustrated by your workload as a warden? Annoyed by your inmates stubborn refusal to accept and embrace your moral directives? Sick of the ports, floods, and death tolling? Comrades, do not be disheartened! For Wardens in your position there are a wealth of options all available for a very reasonable price!

[He spreads his hands wide open, and gives one of those totally fake dazzling smiles that he's so good at.]

Our first, and most popular package deal is most appropriate for those of you still driven by the self interest of acquiring the promised reward of the Admiral! It comes with easy application, can be suited to even the most hectic of lifestyles, and many wardens have already adopted it into their program of inmate rehabilitation! It's simple:

Continue to act as though you're better than we are, while you simply stop caring! Stop responding! Ignore every problem as someone else's problem. Fellow warden having a breakdown? Ignore them! Inmate who you're not assigned to asks for help? Ignore them! Violent inmate publicly declares his intent to attack someone while roaming the halls looking for that person?

Ignore them all!

All this package costs is the well being and trust of the inmate population, and the mutual respect and consideration for each other that you're supposed to be teaching us, and Comrades, frankly I'm doing you a favor by taking those obstacles to a happier, calmer life off your hands!

But that's not all, for those of you so diametrically opposed to a life of responsibility that even this deal doesn't sound sufficient, The Factory does of course have an alternative! The price for this is slightly steeper, as it will impact upon your overall net earnings from your time on the Barge, but Brothers, Sisters, when it gets to the point where inmates are protecting each other and looking out for the wellfare of wardens not because they are reformed, but because you are not doing your jobs? Well, it's not as if you're likely to earn that deal on your own anyway! So we at the Factory would like to present an ongoing open offer to all wardens, application effective immediately:

[And the grin just drops away entirely, you get that CREEPY, COLD, DEAD EYED STARE HE USED TO TURN ON SAM WHEN HE WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE]

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Prefect

October 2013

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