buywithme: (You bought it!  Good choice!)
[Click, and hey! It’s some video footage! Prefect is sitting in front of the camera, looking almost dementedly gleeful, and... what’s that piled high around him? But the cheap, tacky, Factory branded trappings of valentines day. Or at least, some of it is, some of it, on the other hand, is just stuff that Prefect has painted pink and is apparently hoping will blend in.

Pink hammer, pink ladle, pink ball, pink empty gin bottle, whatever, it’s all the colour of love.]


Comrades! Consumers!

Do not be disheartened by news of your recent demise and arrival upon an interdenominational prison ship which will strip away any semblance of your personality and confidence in the name of moral rehabilitation! And do not be curtailed from your pursuit of happiness by the recent murders, suicides and death threats being issued by your fellow inmates and/or wardens! Most importantly, do not be dismayed or distressed by those amongst you who would claim that Valentines day is a meaningless slew of commercial consumerist trash, because Comrades! [His face falls, suddenly completely deadpan and serious] That is the best thing about it.

[THEN SUDDENLY THE MANIC, RICTUS, FACTORY STYLE GRIN IS BACK]

Comrades, this Valentines day don’t sulk about your lack of popularity or mental and physical wellbeing! Don’t celebrate with a cynical lack of gift and card delivery, leaving those you admire with no physical token in recognician of their fantastic beauty! Don’t bemoan the commercialism of it all when you’re living in a society reduced to the crudest of bartering! But stand tall with me, in the glorious pink light of this most sacred of holidays, and buy with me!

Comrades, in this remarkable, one day only sale, I am offering a selection of immaculately produced, Factory standard greeting cards and romantic items, for the low low price of... [PAUSE. Apparently he hadn’t thought this far ahead in his sales pitch. Eventually, he raises his eyebrows and grins a little wider] ...almost anything! What’s that? You don’t think your significant other would appreciate any of these remarkable gifts? Well, don’t underestimate the versatility of our stores! The Facto-- Uh, the former Factory outlet point insists on the highest possible standards of service! Make our Valentines Day a happy one, by making your Valentines Day a happy one.

[And with that, he picks up the bright pink hammer, and turns it, so that the camera gets a nice clear shot of the nicely calligraphed “I Love You”, which Prefect has clearly written along the side of it. There is a long, long, pause. Then he realizes that maybe he shouldn’t be giving hammers to inmates, and quickly adds:]

Some items may be subject to restricted sales, no income from sales will actually go to the Factory, and no item or items actually guarantee a happy valentines day or positive reception from the recipient and a negative reception will not be accepted as grounds for a refund.
buywithme: (Default)
[Prefect has begun the process of asking people to the prom based on whether or not they seem like they have trouble saying no to people]

Miss Giselle?

Would it be all right with you if I could have the honor of taking you to the prom please?

I know this is a little short notice, but It took a while for me to work up the courage to talk to you.

You... you don't have a date already do you?
buywithme: (Perhaps you'd like to invest instead?)
Comrade! I've been working on filling your order for you, but I'm having trouble getting hold of some of the items you required. The syringes in particular I'm having a little trouble with, I was thinking perhaps we could do a little devision of this order, work through it a piece at a time if you will.

I have your gloves already, I have a source that can get me the Ket without any real problems, however, the source I'm counting on for syringes is asking for certain chemicals which I do not have access too. As a Warden, your scope reaches a little further than mine does, so perhaps you could make some enquiries for me as payment for what you need, I'll give you the gloves immediately, if you can give me a bottle of ammonia, it's common enough to trade for what I've got for you. Once I've given that to my other client as a good faith gesture I can almost certainly get you the syringes, and you can pay me for those and the Ketamine by getting hold of the following chemicals for me:

[A fairly short list of chemicals follow, WE ALL SUCK AT CHEMISTRY!]

Once we've confirmed that this deal is all right with you I'll get rid of this message. As always, my deals are completely confidential, and once more into the breach comrade.
buywithme: (Perhaps you'd like to invest instead?)
[After spending some time pouring over the confused first entries of others, Prefect decides to announce himself with flare.]

Comrades!

Consumers!

Allow me to extend my fondest and most sincere greetings to you from the end of history! I’m quite sure you know my name: Prefect. Are we not the most highly favored of all our kinds to be here? In this, our new chance? Our new and open doorway? The compilation of not only millennia of history and experience, but worlds upon worlds of variety and flavor, all compressed into one microcosmic existence? Lain out for us on a platter? Let us not mourn our misfortune or dream of escape, but rather, let us combine and create and expand in our scope and diversity! Once more unto the breach my friends once more! Let us immanentize the eschation!

Brothers, sisters, comrades, buy with me.

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Prefect

October 2013

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