buywithme: (Merman 1)
[Video clicks on, and look! It's filming a devastatingly handsome young man, as he whispers something in a girls ear. She slides her arm around his waist, leans forward, and they kiss, deeply. The camera wobbles, and it's clear that whoever's filming them probably isn't... supposed to be filming them.]

I did that. I gave him that. My god he was so tragic before I kindly intervened, just some poor unfortunate soul who could barely say his own name without stuttering. Now look at him.

[There's a fond sigh from behind the communicator.]

He has everything he wanted, and I think in this case I was especially generous in the deal I offered. What I asked for was completely useless to him...

[And now the camera swivels back around to Prefect. He's a senior, seventeen and looking quite a bit older by now, and although his legs are currently in... leg form, rather than fin form, there are still scales creeping up his neck, identifying him as not quite human. Currently he's sitting on the grass, quite near to the greenery of the forest.]

We all have problems, don't we. Him, perhaps more than most, but there's something for everyone. Worried about your grades? Have a problem with a teacher? Have a problem with a student? I myself happen to love solving problems. [He rolls over, sprawling onto his back in a rolling, squamous gesture that might have a hint of the tide about it.] I like using my talents to help people. The miserable, lonely, and depressed. Never feel ashamed, dear friends. Never doubt that I am here for you.

[Then he smiles, wide and bright and possibly not entirely genuine.] Do you want to see what he gave me? In exchange for confidence and good looks? [He pushes his shirt up, in one quick motion, and points the camera at his chest.] Ta-Da! See, he was never going to use them for anything and I was getting tired of being the only one who didn't have a set of my own... so...

[The camera focuses, and Prefect's free hand is now pointing at one of his nipples. Yes. Really.]

Even though they're purely decorative, you mammals all seem to think very highly of them, and they were pretty much the only thing he actually had going for him before I intervened, so...

[Shrug. Seems like a pretty generous deal to him.]

[ooc: Prefect is the son of a sea witch (thing Ursula from The Little Mermaid) and he's got a reputation for specializing in transformation magic, love spells, fairy tale bullshit, and a love for bartering, deal making, and contracts. Right now he's lounging around on the grass near the edge of the grounds, feel free to spam if you'd prefer <3]
buywithme: (Default)
Comrades! Consumers! Haven't we had a flood of unfamiliar faces lately? Well allow me to personally greet each and every one of you to the Barge. My name is Prefect, and I am the sole operator of the Factories single outlet here.

Comrades, I know this may be difficult for you, I know that you've awoken in a strange new place, far from home, I know you feel pressured and dominated and confused, but brothers, sisters, do not let your hearts be troubled. This place will tear at your minds and your hearts, destroy your body and each time allow you to rise from the ashes of that flesh like a scalding phoenix from the flames, it is a place forever in flux, forever changing. It is impermanent. The only way now to anchor ourselves is to build our own physical empires, Comrades, you are no longer your body or your mind or your primitive notions of soul, you are only what you surround yourself with! That is what abides, that is what remains.

So Comrades, Consumers, Brothers and Sisters, do not dwell in the realm of ever fleeting consciousness, but rather buy with me, the building blocks of who or what you are so that when your mind is torn away from you your foundations are still firm! Bicycles, balaclavas, ballet shoes, blue-ray players, boxer shorts, bottles, berets, baskets, basketballs, just a small number of the things we currently have in stock, and Comrades if we are unable to find what you require in our existing stores then rest assured, our staff will do literally whatever is possible to acquire what you need elsewhere, and all of this for the lowest prices possible.

Comrades, in the hours of your discontent, in the moments when this place at the end of time and space and history tries to drag you apart, ask yourself this:

Will I be lost? Will I be the one who falls first with no solid hold to grip onto? Will my mind be the first not to return?

Comrades, do not let it be so. Buy with me today, and we shall chain ourselves to this reality with the endless glory of commerce and products, in this ever fluctuating reality, we shall build our own, buy with me now, and make it so.

[Private to Jayne]

Comrade? I've been asked to contact you on behalf of someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
buywithme: (You WANT TO BUY THIS HAT!)
Mr Dent!

You're a professional aren't you? I need someone to perform a product evaluation for me too make sure I'm functioning up to the Factory's standard.

I'd reimburse you for your time of course.
buywithme: (you don't want to buy things?)
[Prefects handwriting may actually seem neater than usual, as he's trying extra hard to control himself.]

[Private to Joker]

Hypodermic needles Comrade. Don't come to my room again, I'll meet you somewhere to get them.

[Private to the Master]

Comrade, do you know where my Warden is?

I'll make you a good offer for him.[/Private]

[Added later]

Comrades? Would someone please come and remove Joker from outside my Cabin? Crane, he's your inmate, I'd like you to make him leave me alone outside of a business context please.

Once more unto the breach.
buywithme: (Perhaps you'd like to invest instead?)
Comrade! I've been working on filling your order for you, but I'm having trouble getting hold of some of the items you required. The syringes in particular I'm having a little trouble with, I was thinking perhaps we could do a little devision of this order, work through it a piece at a time if you will.

I have your gloves already, I have a source that can get me the Ket without any real problems, however, the source I'm counting on for syringes is asking for certain chemicals which I do not have access too. As a Warden, your scope reaches a little further than mine does, so perhaps you could make some enquiries for me as payment for what you need, I'll give you the gloves immediately, if you can give me a bottle of ammonia, it's common enough to trade for what I've got for you. Once I've given that to my other client as a good faith gesture I can almost certainly get you the syringes, and you can pay me for those and the Ketamine by getting hold of the following chemicals for me:

[A fairly short list of chemicals follow, WE ALL SUCK AT CHEMISTRY!]

Once we've confirmed that this deal is all right with you I'll get rid of this message. As always, my deals are completely confidential, and once more into the breach comrade.


buywithme: (Default)

October 2013



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