buywithme: (Bruised prefect)
[Click to a video of Prefect. He's sitting on a chair, holding a small stack of books, on the top of it, there's a dog eared copy of The Three Musketeers.]

This was the first book I read here on the barge, Comrades. Sam gave it to me... years ago now. [He pauses, leafing through the pages idly.] I haven't read many others. We didn't really have books like this where I'm from. I mean, Sometimes you saw people on tv reading them, and sometimes you could buy like... the book part of it, so that you could look like the people on tv, but the contents were always just advertisements.

[He turns The three Musketeers over in his hands, studying the synopsis.]

I don't really go to the library here much. I used to go there and get drunk in the historical agriculture section, when I needed a change of scenery, but I don't really get any books out. I mean, I liked this one? And I like parts of the Marquis's books although I do inevitably end up skipping most of them, but books... don't really have any kind of special significance to me. Burning them is just like... burning a cardigan that you were never really planning on wearing anyway.

[He tosses the book down onto the concrete floor of his cabin. The second book in the stack is a copy of Farenheit 451]

I understand that this isn't the case for most people here. I know that for Beatty, burning books is his job. He did it every single day, to wipe out something that he saw as harmful, it was his duty to protect the people of his society. I know that for most of you, burning books - and what Beatty did in his real life - is an act of oppression, and a threat against the authors of those books. It represents the destruction of free thought, and of totalitarian governments. So I can understand why seeing someone doing it makes you angry.

[He tosses down the copy of Farenheit 451, and it lands on the floor beside The Three Musketeers with an ominous little thunk. The final book in the pile is one that people could only recognize if they've been in Prefect's room. It's a thick, heat bound pile of papers, and looks more like an instruction manual than anything else.]

Beatty can't do any of those things here though. And he knows that he can't. He can't stop the books from being replaced, he can't stop you from buying more books in ports, he can't stop you from writing, or thinking, or reading. He hasn't done anything to oppress any of you. On the Barge, while living without freedom? Burning books isn't an act of oppression. It's an act of political protest. I don't care if you hate it, or if you hate what it's trying to say, or if you think that he should have been stopped, or that he should be punished for this...

[Prefect throws the last book down. The cover reads Acceptable Procedural Standards and Functions. Then beneath that, written in bold; Class: A+ Designation: Prefect. What remains in his hand, formerly hidden beneath the pile of books, is a lighter.]

...Non-violent protest is a right.

[It seems for a moment, like there's more he wants to say, but he stops himself. Instead, he grabs a bottle of gin, and douses the books with it, before reaching down with the lighter, and clicking it on, so that all three books are consumed into tongues of flame.]

FUN OOC NOTES: Prefect has shoved all his cardboard boxes to the far end of the room, and his cabin is made of concrete, so the fire shouldn't spread, annnnnd yes, all of these books are his <3
buywithme: (Look away)
[Video clicks on, annnnnd PREFECT TIME! The Camera is set up on Prefect's desk, and he's sitting in front of it. He looks slightly agitated, as if he's just trying to think of something, but he can't get it to come to his mind. Finally, he speaks, but his voice is slow, careful. As if he's not quite sure if he wants to be saying this.]

We used to say that-- that god was dead, and that history was dead, and that we'd built the Factory on their bodies. So that was always how I used to think of God, as this... abandoned idea, that didn't matter anymore. Or as a historical figure. It was like saying the Queen of England was dead, or that Elvis was dead. They were these insignificant institutions that had no meaning to me. Honestly, I think we only even said that he was dead because it was catchy.

[Pause. Prefect is obviously thinking haaaard about this.]

I used to just ignore Howie when he talked about God. I think... in my head, he was like this person, who desperately wanted to talk about something that no one else anywhere cared about, and that nobody else wanted to hear about. People would get into arguments with him, and say things just to upset or offend him. Eventually people began targeting him and attacking him because he wouldn't stop talking about this completely pointless thing, but he kept on talking about it.

[He gives a helpless little shrug.] It took me a long time to make the connection between the entire way Howie lived his life, and that thing he wouldn't stop talking about. He was such a good warden, Comrades. In times when there really weren't any good wardens, he was always such a good warden. He was here for years, and in that time, no matter what happened to him, he is... literally, the only person on this entire ship that I can think of, who never acted out of pure selfishness. He was always driven by the belief that he had to do what was right. For his inmate... his friends, his enemies... for all of us. [He shakes his head, looking up slightly.] And that, Comrades, is absolutely unique here, and this thing that he believed in? That I only ever saw as this weird, unpleasant tendency? This thing that got him into trouble and made his life hard and that irritated me? That was the same thing that he got his strength from, and that made him believe that it was important to be that kind of person.

[Prefect frowns now, his forehead knitting slightly, as he looks down at his hands.] The thing he got from it... I don't know, I don't know if it made him happy. His life never seemed happy to me. It didn't make him stronger, or more convincing, or smarter than anyone else, but he never gave it up. It was like his faith made him... unstoppable. Indestructible. And it made him a better man than any of us.

[As Prefect speaks, his voice gets a little distant, forlorn even.] Sometimes, I think he must have felt about God, the way I used to feel about the Factory. Only for me... the Factory tore people down, it made them into components, or functions. For Howie, being God's creations elevated people. It made them more than what they were. [He has his arms wrapped around his stomach, and he's looking off Camera a little. His expression is almost sad. Finally, his eyes flick back towards the communicator.]

So, Comrades... I was wondering...

[Prefect visibly steels himself:]

...does anyone know what you have to do to become a Christian?

[Added after speaking to O'Brien, Private to Barron]

Comrade, do I owe you a drink?
buywithme: (You bought it!  Good choice!)
[Click, and hey! It’s some video footage! Prefect is sitting in front of the camera, looking almost dementedly gleeful, and... what’s that piled high around him? But the cheap, tacky, Factory branded trappings of valentines day. Or at least, some of it is, some of it, on the other hand, is just stuff that Prefect has painted pink and is apparently hoping will blend in.

Pink hammer, pink ladle, pink ball, pink empty gin bottle, whatever, it’s all the colour of love.]

Comrades! Consumers!

Do not be disheartened by news of your recent demise and arrival upon an interdenominational prison ship which will strip away any semblance of your personality and confidence in the name of moral rehabilitation! And do not be curtailed from your pursuit of happiness by the recent murders, suicides and death threats being issued by your fellow inmates and/or wardens! Most importantly, do not be dismayed or distressed by those amongst you who would claim that Valentines day is a meaningless slew of commercial consumerist trash, because Comrades! [His face falls, suddenly completely deadpan and serious] That is the best thing about it.


Comrades, this Valentines day don’t sulk about your lack of popularity or mental and physical wellbeing! Don’t celebrate with a cynical lack of gift and card delivery, leaving those you admire with no physical token in recognician of their fantastic beauty! Don’t bemoan the commercialism of it all when you’re living in a society reduced to the crudest of bartering! But stand tall with me, in the glorious pink light of this most sacred of holidays, and buy with me!

Comrades, in this remarkable, one day only sale, I am offering a selection of immaculately produced, Factory standard greeting cards and romantic items, for the low low price of... [PAUSE. Apparently he hadn’t thought this far ahead in his sales pitch. Eventually, he raises his eyebrows and grins a little wider] ...almost anything! What’s that? You don’t think your significant other would appreciate any of these remarkable gifts? Well, don’t underestimate the versatility of our stores! The Facto-- Uh, the former Factory outlet point insists on the highest possible standards of service! Make our Valentines Day a happy one, by making your Valentines Day a happy one.

[And with that, he picks up the bright pink hammer, and turns it, so that the camera gets a nice clear shot of the nicely calligraphed “I Love You”, which Prefect has clearly written along the side of it. There is a long, long, pause. Then he realizes that maybe he shouldn’t be giving hammers to inmates, and quickly adds:]

Some items may be subject to restricted sales, no income from sales will actually go to the Factory, and no item or items actually guarantee a happy valentines day or positive reception from the recipient and a negative reception will not be accepted as grounds for a refund.
buywithme: (Default)
Manchester 1974

This was Sam's home, it was interesting to go there for a little while, but it was also dirty, disorgnized, and everyone who Sam knows appears to have a propensity towards shouting, grabbing, swearing, or all of the above. I was called many things, I am unsure what most of them meant.

Not drinking was literally impossible. Sam shouted a lot.


Vague, Blissful Post-Mortem Location

This is where Harvey is now. The details of what the place itself was like are hazy, but seeing him again the details of being with Harvey, on the other hand, are perfectly clear. He's happier there than I've ever seen him. We talked a lot, and he is doing extremely well. Sends his best wishes to the Barge at large.

Sanitarium Island

Pavi! This is Pavi's home. He was extremely pleased to see me, and not drinking proved impossible here as well. There was an open offer of 'genterns' but I chose not to take advantage of this. Sanitarium Island appears to have more dead bodies than living people inhabiting it. Pavi works a lot more than you would expect, and has managed to remain not evil. Also, very big guest quarters I felt a little uncomfortable takin I spent most of my time in his rooms, since he obviously had more space than he needed anyway, but sometimes I obviously was not supposed to be in his rooms. At these times I excused myself.


And that's where I've been. I'm back now.

Hello Comrades.

[Private to O'Brien, after his conversation with Iago]

Comrade, the Admiral is no longer coming between me and the copious supply of gin in my room, would you like to come have a drink with me?

[Whatever the answer, Prefect's starting without you now.]
buywithme: (un-fake smile!)
[Prefect is looking... STRANGELY CONTENT, Maybe even KIND OF HAPPY in a very carefully contained way. He smiles at the camera.]

So... Comrades, I know sometimes it seems like things only ever go wrong here, but... I suppose there are high points. I mean, we... have access to the plants again, I believe? Comrade Persephone? So, you understand, Comrades, that despite all the difficulties, and all the murders-- [AT THE WORD 'MURDERS' HE SORT OF BURSTS INTO A MASSIVE GRIN. Then he immediately tries to control it and clears his throat.] So, yes, despite all... all of that [ACCIDENTALLY SMILING AGAIN.] there are occasionally silver linings to being stuck here.

[He clears his throat, and leans forward.]

So, uh, could we discuss what hours the garden will be open from now on?
buywithme: (facepalm)
[Prefect starts this sales pitch with the kind of forced happiness for which he's famed!]

Comrades! Consumers! In this time of holiday cheer, it's important for us to remember what's important! And what is important, is that we have relics of our existence. Things. Things that we bought. Or that someone else bought, or things we picked up in places we paid to go visit. Things that we want. Just... things. The thing is, they aren't just things. They're not just things to anyone, they're status symbols, or badges of honor or curiosity or popularity, or they're memories of the time you bought them, the time that you wanted them desperately and loved them honestly, and let them define you, even if it's only for a few seconds, before you forget they're even there at all.

They still matter, they make you- and, and it's not just objects, Comrades, it's not just objects, it's other things as well. Objects are the best way for us to understand it, the most accessible way to really own something, but it's not just objects, it's about our bodies as well, about the tattoo you got on your butt when you and your boyfriend thought that cartoon kittens would be the "in thing" forever, and it's the holes running down the skin of your arms from when you tried suspension therapy, and it's the sick feeling you get in your stomach when you smell bananas because even though you can't remember that time when you were five years old and you ate a pot of banana lip gloss, it's still there...

[His voice drops a little so he's mumbling. Prefect appears to have forgotten that he's actually making this public.]

Stupid, like being afraid of people you know don't want to hurt you

[And it perks back up a little! For a moment, you get Factory standard happy!Prefect, before he fades back into his usual voice]

You break it, you buy it! And you bought it so long ago you don't even know why it's there, but it still is. It doesn't care whether you still want it, it's still there, it still matters. It's your scars, and you might not like it, and you might not want it, but if it just... if it just disappears then that's a piece of you disappearing, and if you can just keep disappearing piece by piece then in the end what's left of you? If you aren't even yourself anymore, then how can you belong to anything? How can you ever belong anywhere but here?

[There's a long pause, and when he speaks again his voice is sort of distant, like he's moved away from the microphone.]

This place, this place isn't about fixing us. It's just about taking away our scars.

[ooc: Prefect found Pavi's room empty, and TO HIS CREDIT, only had a few drinks from those bottles of wine he got off Paddy and Snoop all those months ago. He intended to give a rousing sales pitch here, but it descended into sulking pretty quick :c]
buywithme: (Shocked)
[The screen flickers on, and Prefect is sat in front of the camera with his fingers steepled together. Every two seconds or so, he moves his hands, to drum the fingers against each other in a mechanically practiced motion.]

And Prefect proceeds to dance LONG AND HARD. )
buywithme: (facepalm)
Brothers, Sisters, how much do you think happens in a year? I mean, things-- things just pass you by, don't they? Even if a celebrity dies it's only news for a few weeks, a month and a half at the most and then everyone's distracted by whatever else is happening. Once they've been dead for a whole year? It's like, a completely different world. Everything's changed. Even if they were still alive everything would be different and so would they be.

They'd be forever confined to a separate dimension of "when they were famous", and "best of the 20's", and they'd only ever get work as a novelty act.

A years a really long time in the real world. You miss it and then its just gone. Ater a year you're all rotted away anyway. Comrades, Consumers, consider the concept of "vintage".

Or... something.

buywithme: (Puppy dog eyes)
Comrade! Consumer! I have a proposition for you!

ooc: This isn't a filter, it's a private message to each of them which just happens to be identical!

Added later: [Private to Pavi]

Brother? I was wondering If you could sell me some leather?
buywithme: (Default)
Comrades, Consumers! I think probably maybe we're actually going to be O.K. because Kirk is really nothing at all like the Master OR Major West, and he's not taken any hostages or pretended to be the Admiral or set up any death traps and even though he's not really a very nice person sometimes and he's pushy and doesnt seem to understand that hitting someone in the arm isnt very good behavior for friends but hes actually O.K. and not so bad and he gave us all fizzy champagne Perfect for any barbecue, wedding or other social event which would be the constant envy of your friends and neibors AND he doesnt sound drunk.

PLUS the Admiral isnt very good anyway so i dont mind him not driving the ship for a bit.
buywithme: (Default)
Comrades! Consumers! Haven't we had a flood of unfamiliar faces lately? Well allow me to personally greet each and every one of you to the Barge. My name is Prefect, and I am the sole operator of the Factories single outlet here.

Comrades, I know this may be difficult for you, I know that you've awoken in a strange new place, far from home, I know you feel pressured and dominated and confused, but brothers, sisters, do not let your hearts be troubled. This place will tear at your minds and your hearts, destroy your body and each time allow you to rise from the ashes of that flesh like a scalding phoenix from the flames, it is a place forever in flux, forever changing. It is impermanent. The only way now to anchor ourselves is to build our own physical empires, Comrades, you are no longer your body or your mind or your primitive notions of soul, you are only what you surround yourself with! That is what abides, that is what remains.

So Comrades, Consumers, Brothers and Sisters, do not dwell in the realm of ever fleeting consciousness, but rather buy with me, the building blocks of who or what you are so that when your mind is torn away from you your foundations are still firm! Bicycles, balaclavas, ballet shoes, blue-ray players, boxer shorts, bottles, berets, baskets, basketballs, just a small number of the things we currently have in stock, and Comrades if we are unable to find what you require in our existing stores then rest assured, our staff will do literally whatever is possible to acquire what you need elsewhere, and all of this for the lowest prices possible.

Comrades, in the hours of your discontent, in the moments when this place at the end of time and space and history tries to drag you apart, ask yourself this:

Will I be lost? Will I be the one who falls first with no solid hold to grip onto? Will my mind be the first not to return?

Comrades, do not let it be so. Buy with me today, and we shall chain ourselves to this reality with the endless glory of commerce and products, in this ever fluctuating reality, we shall build our own, buy with me now, and make it so.

[Private to Jayne]

Comrade? I've been asked to contact you on behalf of someone who wishes to remain anonymous.


Feb. 22nd, 2009 01:02 am
buywithme: (facepalm)
Comrades! Consumers! The Factory would like to absolutely and categorically apologize for the complete failure of its staff to function in any reasonable capacity during the events of the week before last. Rest assured there were severe external influences disrupting the capabilities of its current outlet and staff body and the appropriate reprimands and restorative programs are currently being undertaken.

We would like to take this moment to reassure all our customers that this was an isolated incident and the recent decline in behavioral standards which the Factory requires of it's work force will definitely not be continuing. Despite the mitigating circumstances of this particular collapse of professionalism, we are ensuring that our staff attend a rigorous program of retraining and customer service specialization, to ensure the highest possible service for you! Our valiant and valued brothers and sisters, still living the immaculate dream of the blossoming consumer!

Comrades, let us never lose sight of the great glories of possession and obedience, above and beyond the frailty of our rotting bodies and fleeting allegiances, our broken hearts and our unfulfilled dreams, our dead parents and our meaningless names. Comrades, history is dead and the barge is its tomb. Nothing here has meaning, nothing here survives the ever strengthening vortex of it's function. Comrades, the phrase: "You can't take it with you when you go." no longer applies, because there is nowhere else to go! Forget your outdated notions of family and faith and freedom because all your abstract concept riches are back where you came from and you can never leave this place. Here, it doesn't matter how beautiful your wife is or how intelligent your beloved children are, or how fulfilling you find your job, because none of them exist anymore. Here? The winner is the man with the most stuff. Here, the only things left in the universe that will last, are possessions, and obedience.

Newcomers, welcome to the Barge.

This is an official Factory announcement, there are no golden shores.


[ooc: Annnnd we're back in action! Huzzah! Prefect has been doing some serious thinking and re-educating himself over the last week, this is his eventual response to the last flood!]
buywithme: (badthoughts)
First of all, I don't "Call" myself Prefect, that's my name! That's who I am! This isn't just some way I came up with to entertain myself when I wasn't doing my hair or standing around making friends and setting up a family! I don't only do this in retalliation to someone else who was here first and actually cares about what he's doing!

I was trying to help! I was trying to think of something we needed! Everything here has been terrible for weeks and it would be good to be able to do something about being happy and being alive and all surviving and having the admiral back and I know Valentines Day is more conventional but anyone who actually knows who lives here knows that most of us aren't in love with anyone else right now so making a big deal out of Valentines day would just make people feel isolated! She just picked a string of random pointless holidays that don't mean anything at all and threw them at you while saying that I don't care because I'm from the Factory!

She doesn't care! None of this means anything to her. Just because she's normal doesn't mean she's better than me!

[ooc: Prefect has sort of been hiding under his desk feeling sorry for himself for a while, having his first attempt to dive back into the world of commerce immediately countered by Anya? It didn't help, SO HE WHINNNNEEESSSS!]
buywithme: (Buy nice things off me!)
Comrades! Consumers! Despite beginning in a state of undue anguish, This month is a great, exciting, wonderful month! Indeed, it is in fact a month which has been set apart from all others! Comrades, join with me in celebration of February: International Grapefruit month!

Now! While traditionally this month long festival has been largely devoted towards the spreading of nutritional grapefruit information towards children and groups of people who may not be partaking of the recommended five daily portions of fruit, but do not let this deter you! For Comrades, what can we really take from the grapefruit? Nothing. It is a bitter tasting piece of fruit that might increase your life span. So what is our existence here? We're trapped, yes, we've suffered, yes, our personalities have been eroded... actually this isn't the best sales technique. It's not always easy, but Comrades, consumers, brothers and sisters we are alive! We are alive and we have all that we had before they came and all our brothers and sisters and Comrades are all still here and we all still love them and isn't it about time we showed them that?

Comrades, our tormentors are being punished, our killers are dead and although we are still here, we are here victorious! So! In place of the more traditional discussion of various nutritional values, I recommend we celebrate this fine month which has been set aside for grapefruit appreciation, with a celebration of everything the grapefruit stands for! A celebration of life, vitality, friendship, and less healthy, more delicious food!

Show friends that you care by sending them a "national grapefruit month" card!
Indulge in the traditional holiday fare of "national grapefruit month" with a delicious chocolate rice crispy cake!
Show your generosity in the ancient "exchanging of gifts" with your friends and associates!

And at some point there will of course be a huge end of National Grapefruit month gala, or something which is likely to involve music and cake!

Comrades, do not let this month of life affirming fruit appreciation slip through your fingers! Do not let it pass you bye along with so many distant memories, NO instead you must seize the month! Embrace it and it's noble traditions and spread its gentle message through the voices and means which I am selling for so little that I'm practically giving them away! So come my brothers! For he who chooses to celebrate this wonderful month is my brother! So come once more unto the breach Comrades, and buy with me today!

[ooc/disclaimer: Yes it is actually grapefruit month, no it does not have any traditions as far as I know (Prefect industriously made some up :D) and Prefect probably won't actually organize a gala. He just sort of got carried away :c]
buywithme: (Could it be I am a bad person?)
...We've gone from deathtraps and poison gas and becoming five year olds to everything being back to normal and a few people in prison? And having our journals monitored?

Why is everyone acting like these are our enemies? Comrades, we don't know who they are, and they've made things less deadly! I haven't had to ask for my Warden to be brought back to life ONCE since they arrived!

I think they're helping us...
buywithme: (Child)
I don't think I'm supposed to be here, there isn't a register or anything...

I think this is a new world, and it obviously needs exploring. That can be my job then.

Okay, I'm going to start exploring now.

Going now.


[ooc: Prefect lost Sam at some point, and decided after long and painstaking thought processes, that he would have to go downstairs to look for his beloved warden/find food for the happy day upon which they would be reunited. He got downstairs, promptly noticed the super powered fighting, decided he didn't really love Sam all that much after all, ran back up to the "safe" floor, and promptly lost a few decades.]
buywithme: (Calm Prefect)
[Prefect dashes down the stairs after Sam in a state of nigh panic, glancing over his shoulder as he finally escapes from the death trap level. There is literally no way this floor could be as bad as the last one was...

Turning back to face Sam, Prefect feels a sudden flutter of affection in his stomach. Why he'd even been worried he doesn't know now, of course Sam would get them through the traps eventually, it's all part of his wardens quiet, controlling charm. Now is not the time to think about Sams strange new attractiveness though, he should probably try to find Peter! Running around like a little boy can not be a good idea right now, so Prefect takes off into the corridor, stealing a wistful glance over his shoulder to check if Sam is looking at him as he goes to look for Peter.]
buywithme: (You bought it!  Good choice!)
Comrades, donate blood if you want! Donate blood if you really think that a bunch of starving vampires are going to stop at a pile of plastic baggies when they storm into a barge full of delicious warm living entities!

For those interested in a proactive alternative? I currently have a stock of hand carved stakes, crosses, and a small stockpile of garlic for interested parties!

Considering our current situation? I will most certainly be accepting IOU's.

[Stakes are about as sharp as Prefect was able to get them by demolishing his bedframe and trying to sharpen small pieces of it on his generally non-lethal belongings. They are, however, probably better than nothing. I'm still mostly without a laptop, so don't expect speedy replies! Everyone else updates and tags will start happening again on sunday!]
buywithme: (My shirt tries to escape?  You buy it?)
Comrades! Consumers! The Factory would just like to remind you that over the passing months its staff have shown absolute dedication to fulfilling your various needs, zero breaches of our client confidentiality policy, and complete professionalism in dealing with all cases! No matter how disturbing or dangerous you may be, no matter how obscure or impractical your order, and we have always strived to maintain the lowest possible prices for our products!

Now that alternatives are beginning to become available we urge you to remember this standard of service and ask yourself: "Will our competitors do this for you?" Without a lifetime of training to subdue all preference, self preservation, or emotional bias, no other sales unit will be capable or even willing to supply whatever we are able to whomever wants it for whatever purpose, and still maintain absolute privacy even on pain of great personal loss and/or sacrifice.

Remember - Just because she's trying to sell you things, doesn't mean she's me!
buywithme: (Calm Prefect)
[Private to Bond]

The Factory would like to apologize for the lateness of this reply to the order you placed with us, unfortunately, our staff were temporarily out of action shortly after your order was placed, and due to paperwork difficulties we have been unable to process your order until now.

You want a gun, no bullets, for your inmate? Things like that are fairly hard to come by, and I can't promise that I'll be able to get one, but if I can? You'll be the first one I contact.

[Private to The Marquis]

...Could I ask you something?


buywithme: (Default)

October 2013



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